Using The Importance of Determination to Achieve Your Dreams

What is Determination?

Determination is a key skill for achieving goals in your personal and work life. It helps you stay focused and keep pushing toward important milestones. By learning more about determination, you can improve in your career and feel more motivated to tackle challenges at work.

• Key Traits of Determined Individuals
  • Persistence
  • Resilience
  • Focus
  • Patience

Regardless of whether your goal is to become a successful YouTuber with hundreds of thousands of subscribers, to write and publish a book, or to lose weight and get back in shape, you need the determination to help you succeed with it.

And in this guide, I will share with you why determination is important in life. It is the #1 quality that you must develop if you want to succeed, achieve your goals, and live a better life…

5 Importance of Determination

1. Determination allows you to persevere until you make it

Success is a long journey. And so, without determination, you will give up faster than you thought. And determination allows you to persevere and persist until you reach your destination.

At age 65, Harland Sanders was broke and penniless. He was forced to close his business when a new highway was built to bypass his restaurant. Down but not out, Harland was determined to make a comeback. But all he ever had was his fried chicken recipe.

And so Harland started his journey to sell his fried chicken recipe to business owners. He traveled door to door and visited all the restaurants in his local area. There were many nights when he had to sleep in his car. He even approached restaurant owners and cooked his fried chicken on the spot for them.

I bet you know what happened next. Harland Sanders was turned down 1,009 times before someone finally said yes to his fried chicken recipe. By 1964, Colonel Harland Sanders had 600 franchises selling his trademark chicken. That one yes has transformed the way we eat.

Colonel Harland Sanders was best known for founding Kentucky Fried Chicken, also known as KFC.

Without determination, Colonel Harland Sanders would never make it. His determination allowed him to persist and persevere despite all the odds. You can read more about it here.

Most people would have given up after receiving a couple of rejections. But not Colonel Sanders. He was determined. And that was how he managed to go through so many rejections and still move forward in life.

So, are you determined like Colonel Harland Sanders?

Read: How to Develop Determination So You Won’t Give Up

2. Determination helps you overcome failures and hardships

The second reason why determination is important is that it is a quality that helps you overcome failures, setbacks, and hardships in your journey.

Let’s face it, success is tough. It is hard. If it is easy, everyone would be successful. And because success is difficult, you will face many setbacks and failures along the way.

Therefore, without determination, you will never make it to the finish line.

The difference between extraordinary people and ordinary people is that extraordinary people are determined. They are willing to go the ‘extra’ mile and not give up. This is what makes them ‘extra’ordinary.

Ordinary people, on the other hand, choose to quit and give up whenever they encounter failures and setbacks. They choose the easy way out.

This is why so many people have dreams and goals, but only a minority of them are able to materialize what they want in life.

Imagine if your goal is to become a successful YouTuber. You plan to publish 2 videos every week. Two months later, you have published 8 videos, but the number of subscribers to your channel is less than 100. How do you feel?

Not good, right? And this is where most people choose to give up. This is also where your level of determination plays an important role.

Someone truly determined will continue to improve and work on his goal no matter what, which is to build a successful YouTube channel.

However, those who lack determination will give up on their goal. They will choose to do something else. And they will give lousy excuses as to why they can’t make it.

Which category do you fit in?

Read: How to Overcome Tough Times and Succeed (5 Principles To Overcome Setbacks)

3. Determination makes you work hard and become relentless

That’s right, people who are determined are willing to work hard for what they want. But people who lack determination will choose to stay in their comfort zone and refuse to change.

If you want to know your level of determination, just look at how hard you work toward your goal. Your action says it all.

People who are NOT determined will only work on their goals when they are convenient. They will only choose to pursue their dreams and take action whenever they are motivated.

But people who are determined will do it no matter what, even when they don’t feel like it.

Do you know that Tiger Woods trained in the rain at midnight? When his friend saw him hitting golf balls at 3 AM and asked him about it, he said, “It doesn’t rain very often in Northern California. It’s the only chance I have to practice hitting in the rain.” You can read the story here.

And that was why Tiger Woods became one of the best golfers in the world. He was determined and committed to making it to the top.

As you can see, when you are determined to do something or to achieve a target, you will become relentless. You are willing to go all out (or go all-in) and make it happen.

Being determined makes you work extremely hard. It gives you the strength and the mental toughness to overcome all odds and take massive action.

So, are you determined to achieve your goals no matter what?

Read: Why Hard Work is Important to Achieve Success in Life

4. Determination improves your creativity and helps you find a way

When there is a will, there will always be a way. It is not about whether you can achieve the success you desire, it is about your determination for it. Success has nothing to do with the ‘how’, but everything to do with the ‘why’.

A lot of people get it wrong and think that they lack the know-how, or the knowledge, or the talent, and that is why they cannot succeed.

However, it is not the know-how, your knowledge, or your skills that will determine your success. It is your will, your determination, and how persistent you are.

You see, no one was born a master. Every master was once a beginner. And that means you can learn to get good at something.

If you think that successful people can achieve outstanding results because they are talented or skillful, think again…

• Do you know that Soichiro Honda’s factory was bombed twice due to war, and was leveled a third time after an earthquake? But Honda was determined to make it. That was how he got the idea of inserting a motor into a bicycle, and that was how Honda Super Cub was born. And the rest was history.
• J.K. Rowling is the first billionaire author after she published her Harry Potter books. However, she wasn’t born with a silver spoon. Rowling was jobless, divorced, and broke. She had to live on government welfare. But she was determined and kept writing until she turned her dream into reality.
• Steve Jobs, the legend who co-founded Apple was fired from the very company he started. But he was determined and passionate about what he did. And so he started another company called NeXT and also bought Pixar. After that, Apple bought NeXT and Jobs went back to Apple to become the CEO. He then launched iPod, iPad, and iPhone, which revolutionized the entire tech and mobile industry.

The more you study the biographies of successful people, the more you will understand how being determined played a vital role in reaching success.

Success is not a walk in the park. And things will definitely go wrong in your journey. Mistakes, failures, and setbacks are inevitable.

But when you are determined and when things go wrong, you can still maintain your motivation and focus. That’s one of the most important benefits of being self-determined. It allows you to stay focused even when things are not going your way.

People are often affected by their feelings and emotions. When you buy a stock and the whole market goes into panic selling, you will be affected and wanted to sell too.

You want to learn from Warren Buffett’s ability, which is to ‘divorce’ yourself from whatever is going around you.

There is no doubt that Buffett is a genius when it comes to identifying companies that are undervalued and he just loves numbers so much. He can read the company’s annual reports from back-to-back.

Besides his skill in finding undervalued companies, another thing that makes him one of the greatest investors in the world is his ability to hold on to the stocks even when the market fluctuates.

Buffett seems to be able to ignore the market performance and divorce himself from all the noises around him while holding on to his stocks and his decisions.

This requires a lot of determination and emotional reserve.

You see, most people are emotionally affected when the prices of stocks in the market fluctuate. People will tell you to sell or to buy, which eventually will make you irrational and fearful. You can read more about Warren Buffett’s secret to success here.

As you can see, when you are highly determined, you will be able to focus on your goals better. You know what result you are looking for, and it gives you the ability to stick to the plan until you make it.

Simple tips to balance life and work so you can feel happier and less stressed every day.

Do you agree that life is a balancing act? And that creating a harmonious work-life balance is critical to improving not just our physical well-being, but also our emotional and career health.

In my last article, I talked about why work-life balance is so important. You can check it out if you want to learn more about why balance is possible and why it’s something we should all aim for.

One thing I want to make clear is that achieving work-life balance doesn’t always mean balancing your time.

For example, if you work for 8 hours, it doesn’t mean you need to take 8 hours off to relax or spend time with family. Work-life balance isn’t about making sure you have equal amounts of work and free time. It’s about the quality of how you spend that time.

You could get a lot more done in 2 hours of focused work than in 4 hours of distracted time.

The important thing is knowing that work-life balance is possible, but it takes effort to make it happen.

So, how can you balance your work, family, and personal life and feel good about it?

Here are 10 tips you can use to achieve a better work-life balance

1. Prioritize and schedule your time to maintain a healthy work-life balance

One of the most important tips for achieving work-life balance is to prioritize and schedule your time. If you don’t prioritize, you will end up doing irrelevant work that gives you little results. And you will spend your entire day working and find yourself having no time in your life.

It is an important skill that I strongly suggest you learn. What you can do is to list down all the things that you need to do. Preferably, keep the list short like 4 to 6 items at most.

And then, when you start your day, choose to work on each of them. This is how you can focus your energy and effort on things that are really important to you.

One more thing, do you know that you can set goals outside of your career and work life?

You can have goals that you are passionate about, like in your health, relationships, and personal life. For instance, besides having goals in your career and work, you can have exercise goals to maintain your health or to have relationship goals to maintain your intimacy with the ones you loved.

For me, I make every Friday night my date night and I also make it my target to read a book every week. What about you? What other goals do you have outside of your career?

Prioritize your goals and then schedule the action steps. This is how you can make sure you attain the work-life balance you desire.

RescueTime.com has published a very good article about how to prioritize your work. You can read it here.

2. Create a productive workspace

Another important way to maintain your work-life balance is to make sure you are productive when you are working. And to do so, you must create a productive workstation.

A lot of people work in an unproductive environment. They feel stressed, pressured, and their productivity is low, all because they have an unsupportive workspace.

I’m a strong believer in how our environment can shape our lives. When you work in an unproductive workplace, it can greatly affect your mood which will eventually affect other areas of your life.

You don’t want to go to the office to feel stress, and then bring home the stress and release it to your family members, right?

Hence, create a supportive workspace. When you are happy at work, you become more productive. You feel satisfied and fulfilled. And when you’re feeling good at work, you go back home with a better mood that makes your life and everything around you better.

Read: 10 Tips How to Change Your Environment for Greater Motivation

3. Never allow yourself to be distracted

Stop multitasking. When you do your work, work. Stop checking emails, surf through the internet or check the updates on social media while you work.

You can schedule to do all those, but when you work, focus on working and don’t multitask.

You don’t want yourself to be distracted at work and it decreases your productivity.

Most people spend a huge chunk of their time at work. And you really want to make these hours count. You don’t want to spend 8 hours a day working aimlessly and being distracted while getting nothing done.

This is also the reason why most people fail to produce extraordinary results in their work. They are constantly being distracted and they don’t know what they really want out of their lives.

They have developed a set of routine to work at things in a certain way. But it may not be the best way. If you always find yourself having not enough time to finish your work, probably, you should reconsider how you approach your work.

Is it that you are constantly being distracted and fail to complete your task? Or is it because you are being reactive to everything around you?

Identify your objectives and set daily goals. And stick to your plan until you get all the tasks done before you do something else.

Read: 10 Amazing Ways How to Improve Your Focus

4. Make time for yourself

If you want to maintain your work-life balance, you must make time for yourself. How often do you spend time doing things that you love? Do you still remember what is your hobby?

Life is not just about work. You need to also spend time doing things that you love to recharge your soul and mind.

Studies have discovered that polymaths (people who wide knowledge) tend to be more successful than people who only focus on one area of expertise.

Leonardo Da Vinci was an extraordinary painter who painted Mona Lisa, The Last Supper, etc., but do you know that he also ventured into music, engineering, literature, and many other fields?

When you spend time on other things outside of work, you are working to becoming a more complete ‘you’. You get to see things from a different angle which gives you an advantage at work.

Therefore, make time for yourself every day. You can read, you can paint, you can play guitars, etc., do something to make your soul sings.

5. Communicate your needs

Don’t assume other people know what you want. If you want others to understand you, you must first communicate your needs to them.

For example, you can voice your need to achieve a better work-life balance to your family members or your boss. When they understand, they will support you rather than making life hard for you.

If you need to attend a gym class after work, tell that to your boss. Ask permission from your boss so that you can leave a little early to get to the class once or twice a week.

And if you need to work longer hours, tell that to your family members too. Tell them that you are working on an important project and you want to really get it done for your company. Let them understand that you will get back to them once you have got your work done.

Unless you are living alone and doing things all by yourself, you need to learn to communicate your need so that others can support and help you reach a better work-life balance.

6. Take short breaks and holiday

I bet you have heard the phrase, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. And I believe you don’t want to be like Jack, don’t you?

Hence, take many short breaks throughout the day. You want to keep your energy level high so that you can have the productivity and willpower to accomplish more.

Taking short breaks are important to recharge and replenish your energy. I suggest you follow the Pomodoro Technique to do so.

And at least once a day, stop work and don’t talk about work. Use the day for yourself, your family members, or do something that you are passionate about.

You don’t want to fill your entire day with work. This will tire you out and make you feel exhausted. And if this persists over the long-term, things will get worse and you may suffer burnout.

Thus, take many short breaks during the day. And take one day off once a week. And within a year, you can take a couple of days off. Whether you go for a holiday or just to relax, that is up to you.

7. Set clear boundaries for work and life

Another technique to maintain your work-life balance is to set clear boundaries for your work and life. You want to avoid overworking and overplaying.

For instance, when you leave the office, don’t bring your work home. You don’t want to reply to emails and feel stressed about your work when you’re at home.

It is important to determine when to start working and when to stop. When you work, work. And when it is time for play, then take your mind off your work and enjoy the play.

In my case, I will switch off my laptop after 10PM. And I set an alarm at 10:40PM to tell myself it is time to stop everything and read a good book before I go to sleep.

What about you? What are the boundaries you can set for your work and life? How can you make your life better by creating rules for yourself to follow?

8. Unplug and get close to nature

We are always connected. Even when we are working, we allow distractions through our phone. Someone can easily reach us or a notification can easily take our attention away.

What you want to do to have more work-life balance is to unplug yourself. Like the previous example, you can set boundaries to unplug. I don’t check my phone before I go to bed. It has become my habit. I prefer to read than to check my phone before I sleep.

You want to schedule regular time to unplug – to get away from the connected world – so that you can work on yourself, reflect on your life, and to get close to nature.

Technology is good, there’s no doubt about that. It makes things easier and more convenient. With your phone, you don’t have to turn on your computer to check emails. You can connect with anyone anywhere and anytime you want.

But let’s be honest. As much as technology has created convenience for us, we don’t want technology to get in the way when we have our ‘me time’ and our family time. You don’t want technology to make you less productive. You want to use technology to be more productive, not the other way.

Here’s a good article published on Medium.com, written by Dan Silvestre, How to Unplug From Tech and Get Your Life Back.

9. Learn to automate, outsource, and delegate

Do you know that you can free up a lot of time so that you can pursue work-life balance by creating automation in your life? There are also many things you can outsource and delegate.

One of the most common examples is cooking. In today’s world, you don’t have to cook and you can just order your dinner to be delivered to you.

Not only that, you can also automate how you manage your money like paying bills, tracking credit, and budgeting.

And if you’re a small business owner, you can also automate or outsource your invoicing and accounting task.

Plus, you also don’t have to do grocery or toiletry shopping if you don’t want to. You can buy all the groceries online easily these days.

If you want to learn how to automate your life, read this article here.

10. Make planning a habit

Work-life balance will never happen unless you are conscious about it and if you plan for it. Thus, make it a habit to plan.

It is true that not everything will turn out like what you have planned and your plan may not work. But it is not so much about the result, it is more about the planning.

When you plan for something, you become more attentive to the things that you want. You become more proactive and you know what you need to do.

Without planning, you become reactive and you respond to basically everything that comes to you.

Extraordinary people don’t achieve great success through accidents. They get there through planning, whether they write it down or they constantly think about it in their head.

Therefore, if you want to achieve work-life balance, you must plan for it. You must be conscious of what you need to do and what you must not do.

And when you have a plan, you can then actively put in the effort to make things work.

I am forty-nine years old, and I’ve never felt so young in my life. Many people at my age feel old. Many people younger than I am feel old, while many people who are older than I am still feel young.

What makes someone feel young? I can assure you it has nothing to do with how many wrinkles you have. It is something much deeper than that, and yet something very simple.

Most of us get serious about life around the time we are thirty. We devote ourselves to building our career, building our family, or both. From young people who care mostly about having fun, we become responsible adults. We need to prove ourselves, to make money, to buy a house, and to secure our future.

“Along the way, I forgot to get excited about things. Everything became a project, something I had to deal with,” a friend told me when I asked her if she was thrilled about buying a new house.

When we build our home, our career, our family, and our reputation, there is a part of us that we leave behind. When we enter the world of mortgage, insurance, and pension funds, fun goes out of the window. And when that happens, we lose our fire.

Fire is fun; it’s freedom, it’s joy. Fire is courage and boldness. Fire is passion and excitement. Fire is being spontaneous, taking risks, and saying your truth. Fire is exercising and moving energy.

Fire is fighting for what you believe in. Fire is believing in yourself, believing in life, believing that you deserve to fulfill your wildest dreams. Fire is having wild dreams. Fire is learning new things and teaching them to others. It’s being inspired and inspiring.

So often we are overwhelmed with life’s demands and we forget to have fun; we forget to keep our fire alive and we lose our mojo. Some of us got burnt by our fire when we were younger. Fun led to addictions and other destructive behaviors. We have learned to fear our fire and avoid it at all costs.

During a few wild years when I lived in New York City, a friend once said to me “In our twenties we have to do crazy things so that we have something to talk about in our thirties.”

This is how we live, feeling that from this point onward, life is going downhill toward decay. We feel like our prime years were left behind. We try to reduce the signs of aging to feel better when we look in the mirror or at pictures of ourselves. But no matter what we do, we won’t look like we did in our twenties.

About three years ago, I started feeling old. I’d always looked younger than my age, but I lost in the Botox race, as I did not do any. I lost my passion; I lost my desire to have fun and enjoy myself; everything was very serious.

I hated looking at my pictures. All I saw was the lack of charm and beauty that I once possessed. I tried to convince myself that these were external, irrelevant, and unimportant concerns, but they were not; they reflected something deep that was going on in my life.

Don’t get me wrong. During this time, I was already working at something I loved with all my heart. I loved mothering my son more than anything in the world. I loved my husband and was very grateful for our marriage. But except for my work and my family role, I didn’t care about anything. There was absolutely no time, or ability, to enjoy life.

Then things got even worse. I got sick and was forced to constantly deal with my health and nutrition. My diet became more limited than it ever was; I could not enjoy food anymore. I thought I was going to die. I was already older than my mother when she passed away at the age of forty-four, and it just made sense that I would follow in her footsteps to heaven.

But I was also lucky. I was lucky because there was something inside of me that was stronger than all of this. An inner voice told me that I was still alive and that I should not take it for granted. Every day I got to live was a gift.  What was I going to do with this?

Was I going to look back and cry for not being as beautiful as I once was? Or was I going to look forward and make my life the way I wanted it to be? I realized that it was all up to me. I could continue sinking down into my dietary limitations, my home-work struggles, and my aging looks, or I could ignite my fire.

I decided that it was time to make a big move, from Israel to the US, where I’ve always wanted to live. In order to be fully alive, I had to throw myself out of the nest.

Even though my husband had no desire to make this move, I knew it was a matter of life and death for me and that I had to take the lead. It was my truth, and it required taking a huge risk.

During the pandemic we could not even make a preliminary visit, nor could we know for sure if our son would be accepted to school, but we had to take our chances.

Once we settled in Asheville, NC, I bought new colorful clothes. After years of wearing black bamboo jumpsuits, I added some flair to my wardrobe.

I took some courses with great teachers who inspired me. I got back to practicing yoga and became a part of the local yoga community. I got back to listening to music that made me want to dance.

I started writing and publishing my work. I started telling my truth more often. I had some big talks with important people in my life. I said some things I’d never dared say before. What did I have to lose? What does anyone have to lose?

That’s the beauty of being older. You are wiser, more experienced, you know yourself, and you understand life better than ever before. You are mature enough to deal with your fire in a healthy way.

You already know that there is no point in pretending or hiding. You can live your truth, you can be who you really are, and you can work toward the fulfillment of your dreams. And it’s rejuvenating, so rejuvenating, despite the wrinkles and the fact that your body is no longer in its prime.

You can live like you’ve died and came back to life. What will you do differently? Do it. Do it today. Don’t wait.

If your life does not excite you, make it exciting. If life is not fun, make it fun. Obviously, you can’t control everything. The human experience is not always fun, but no matter what your circumstances are, you can always make things better for yourself, even if it’s just a change of attitude.

People, especially those on the spiritual path, dismiss fun, and I am the first one to admit that I do this. There are always more important things to do. It’s so hard to find time to mother, to be a partner, to work, to cook, to write, to meditate, to practice. Alcohol is bad, drugs are bad, and sugar is bad. All the things you used to have fun with in your twenties are bad.

For years I prepared all of my family’s meals. When you eat out, the food does not have your loving energy and is not made with the same organic, local, and fresh ingredients. This is all true, but the pressure to constantly cook had a counterproductive effect on my heath.

Today, sometimes I eat out or order in, and it makes me so happy. I am more flexible, more open, and I am much healthier. It’s all about finding the middle path. If your path puts out your fire, it means that something is wrong.

It’s not that igniting my fire has solved all my problems. The human experience is still hard. I am still facing many challenges, in some way even more challenges. When you change, or say your truth, it’s usually not so easy for the people around you to deal with. But I am empowered to deal with my problems. I feel fully alive and beautiful.

Today I love the way I look. I love the way inspiring aging women and men look. When you live out of passion, courage, and truth, you radiate beauty.

If you are willing to look beyond the anti-aging ads, you can see that aging is a beautiful process. I’m excited to age. I want to get old. My mother did not have the chance to be old. I have so many dreams to fulfill, and I am grateful for every moment given to me to fulfill them.

One thing is for sure: I will never lose my healthy fire again.

I am forty-nine years old, and I’ve never felt so young in my life. Many people at my age feel old. Many people younger than I am feel old, while many people who are older than I am still feel young.

What makes someone feel young? I can assure you it has nothing to do with how many wrinkles you have. It is something much deeper than that, and yet something very simple.

Most of us get serious about life around the time we are thirty. We devote ourselves to building our career, building our family, or both. From young people who care mostly about having fun, we become responsible adults. We need to prove ourselves, to make money, to buy a house, and to secure our future.

“Along the way, I forgot to get excited about things. Everything became a project, something I had to deal with,” a friend told me when I asked her if she was thrilled about buying a new house.

When we build our home, our career, our family, and our reputation, there is a part of us that we leave behind. When we enter the world of mortgage, insurance, and pension funds, fun goes out of the window. And when that happens, we lose our fire.

Fire is fun; it’s freedom, it’s joy. Fire is courage and boldness. Fire is passion and excitement. Fire is being spontaneous, taking risks, and saying your truth. Fire is exercising and moving energy.

Fire is fighting for what you believe in. Fire is believing in yourself, believing in life, believing that you deserve to fulfill your wildest dreams. Fire is having wild dreams. Fire is learning new things and teaching them to others. It’s being inspired and inspiring.

So often we are overwhelmed with life’s demands and we forget to have fun; we forget to keep our fire alive and we lose our mojo. Some of us got burnt by our fire when we were younger. Fun led to addictions and other destructive behaviors. We have learned to fear our fire and avoid it at all costs.

During a few wild years when I lived in New York City, a friend once said to me “In our twenties we have to do crazy things so that we have something to talk about in our thirties.”

This is how we live, feeling that from this point onward, life is going downhill toward decay. We feel like our prime years were left behind. We try to reduce the signs of aging to feel better when we look in the mirror or at pictures of ourselves. But no matter what we do, we won’t look like we did in our twenties.

About three years ago, I started feeling old. I’d always looked younger than my age, but I lost in the Botox race, as I did not do any. I lost my passion; I lost my desire to have fun and enjoy myself; everything was very serious.

I hated looking at my pictures. All I saw was the lack of charm and beauty that I once possessed. I tried to convince myself that these were external, irrelevant, and unimportant concerns, but they were not; they reflected something deep that was going on in my life.

Don’t get me wrong. During this time, I was already working at something I loved with all my heart. I loved mothering my son more than anything in the world. I loved my husband and was very grateful for our marriage. But except for my work and my family role, I didn’t care about anything. There was absolutely no time, or ability, to enjoy life.

Then things got even worse. I got sick and was forced to constantly deal with my health and nutrition. My diet became more limited than it ever was; I could not enjoy food anymore. I thought I was going to die. I was already older than my mother when she passed away at the age of forty-four, and it just made sense that I would follow in her footsteps to heaven.

But I was also lucky. I was lucky because there was something inside of me that was stronger than all of this. An inner voice told me that I was still alive and that I should not take it for granted. Every day I got to live was a gift.  What was I going to do with this?

Was I going to look back and cry for not being as beautiful as I once was? Or was I going to look forward and make my life the way I wanted it to be? I realized that it was all up to me. I could continue sinking down into my dietary limitations, my home-work struggles, and my aging looks, or I could ignite my fire.

I decided that it was time to make a big move, from Israel to the US, where I’ve always wanted to live. In order to be fully alive, I had to throw myself out of the nest.

Even though my husband had no desire to make this move, I knew it was a matter of life and death for me and that I had to take the lead. It was my truth, and it required taking a huge risk.

During the pandemic we could not even make a preliminary visit, nor could we know for sure if our son would be accepted to school, but we had to take our chances.

Once we settled in Asheville, NC, I bought new colorful clothes. After years of wearing black bamboo jumpsuits, I added some flair to my wardrobe.

I took some courses with great teachers who inspired me. I got back to practicing yoga and became a part of the local yoga community. I got back to listening to music that made me want to dance.

I started writing and publishing my work. I started telling my truth more often. I had some big talks with important people in my life. I said some things I’d never dared say before. What did I have to lose? What does anyone have to lose?

That’s the beauty of being older. You are wiser, more experienced, you know yourself, and you understand life better than ever before. You are mature enough to deal with your fire in a healthy way.

You already know that there is no point in pretending or hiding. You can live your truth, you can be who you really are, and you can work toward the fulfillment of your dreams. And it’s rejuvenating, so rejuvenating, despite the wrinkles and the fact that your body is no longer in its prime.

You can live like you’ve died and came back to life. What will you do differently? Do it. Do it today. Don’t wait.

If your life does not excite you, make it exciting. If life is not fun, make it fun. Obviously, you can’t control everything. The human experience is not always fun, but no matter what your circumstances are, you can always make things better for yourself, even if it’s just a change of attitude.

People, especially those on the spiritual path, dismiss fun, and I am the first one to admit that I do this. There are always more important things to do. It’s so hard to find time to mother, to be a partner, to work, to cook, to write, to meditate, to practice. Alcohol is bad, drugs are bad, and sugar is bad. All the things you used to have fun with in your twenties are bad.

For years I prepared all of my family’s meals. When you eat out, the food does not have your loving energy and is not made with the same organic, local, and fresh ingredients. This is all true, but the pressure to constantly cook had a counterproductive effect on my heath.

Today, sometimes I eat out or order in, and it makes me so happy. I am more flexible, more open, and I am much healthier. It’s all about finding the middle path. If your path puts out your fire, it means that something is wrong.

It’s not that igniting my fire has solved all my problems. The human experience is still hard. I am still facing many challenges, in some way even more challenges. When you change, or say your truth, it’s usually not so easy for the people around you to deal with. But I am empowered to deal with my problems. I feel fully alive and beautiful.

Today I love the way I look. I love the way inspiring aging women and men look. When you live out of passion, courage, and truth, you radiate beauty.

If you are willing to look beyond the anti-aging ads, you can see that aging is a beautiful process. I’m excited to age. I want to get old. My mother did not have the chance to be old. I have so many dreams to fulfill, and I am grateful for every moment given to me to fulfill them.

One thing is for sure: I will never lose my healthy fire again.

“We’re here for such a short period of time. Live like you’re already dead, man. Have a good time. Do your best. Let it all come ripping right through you.” ~Jeff Bridges

Yesterday, a Chinese exchange student we hosted two years ago texted to let me know her mother would like to invite my family to visit them in Nanjing—and she would pay for our plane tickets and let us stay at their vacation home.

Of course I told everyone I know (I mean, China! C’mon!) and they all said, “You’re so lucky!” And it’s true, we are lucky.

However, there’s more to our luck than, well, luck. Receiving amazing opportunities is a function not of waiting around and wishing for good things to happen, but of going out and living life to the fullest so good things can’t help but come to you.

The China trip is one example: Since 1997 we’ve hosted fourteen exchange students for periods of time lasting from one month to the whole school year.

Our friends and relatives have always thought we were nuts to take on the inconvenience and expense. (No, you don’t get reimbursed for hosting.) But we consider hosting foreign exchange students to be part of our civic duty, a lot of fun, and a good learning opportunity for our now seven-year-old son.

Our kid has lived with students who hail from all over the globe—from South Korea to Ukraine to France—since he was one month old.

So is this free trip luck, or a natural outcome of hosting fourteen foreign teenagers over the years?

Another example: We entertain a lot, including holding weekly board game nights for ten to twelve gamers in our home. We’ve gone to great efforts to host these game nights—including managing a Meetup Group, supplying drinks, juggling our son’s bedtime routine on game night, and even having our garage converted into a board game room.

We’ve become good friends with one family we met through this group, and for my birthday last week they offered to pay for tango lessons for my husband and me.

Tango! I would never have thought of learning tango if we had not met these people and if they had not offered to get us lessons. Even though we expected nothing from our game group but some fun gaming, we have a new opportunity to do something fun and exciting that will stretch our limits—in a good way.

I started thinking about this more and more, and the concept holds: The more you do, the more opportunities open to you.

“Do More WHAT?”

Doing more means different things to different people, but at its core it’s about stretching, learning, expanding, and experiencing new things.

For some, that might mean helping at the soup kitchen or learning a new language, while for others it might mean starting a meditation practice or forming a book club. It doesn’t matter, as long as what you do is one or more of the following (the more the better!):

• A learning experience
• Something you’re passionate about
• Mind-expanding
• Helpful to others
• Exciting
• Requiring effort on your part
• Scary

Traveling, training for an athletic event, learning a new skill, volunteering, joining a new team at work, entertaining, writing, creating, launching…it’s all fair game. Just don’t fall into the trap of simply ramping up the intensity or frequency of the same-old-same-old if it’s not what lights your fire; try something new.

“How Does It Work?”

I can’t say for sure, but I can theorize. My feeling is that when you make an effort to try new things and expand your life experience, the universe—or heck, even your friends—see that you’re open and ready for more awesome opportunities, and they rush to make those opportunities happen.

After all, who would you invite to join you at a class at the local clown college, or to co-launch a business—the friend who’s ready for anything, who you’ve seen taking part in all kinds of events, competitions, and activities? Or the friend who shrinks from new experiences and who sticks to the same routine year in and year out?

“This All Sounds Expensive.”

It can be if you want it to, but it doesn’t have to be. Volunteering is free. You can start a new business or volunteer organization with a WordPress website for nothing. Starting a book club, dinner group, or running group on Meetup.com costs only about $13 per month, and you can charge dues to make up for it. Training for a 5k or fitness competition for free.

These (and many other activities) will create bonding experiences, memories, and opportunities to do even more—all without breaking the bank.

“But Wait…Isn’t This the Opposite of Non-Attachment?”

As a reader of this blog, you’re probably interested in concepts like being present and accepting what is. If you’re making efforts to experience more, create more, and do more, doesn’t that mean you’re grasping, attaching, obsessing about the future, and generally not being satisfied with your current self?

It could mean that, but there’s a way to experience more and create new opportunities without falling prey to attaching: Go after everything you’ve ever wanted to experience and create—but enjoy the journey while you do it and try not to attach to the outcome.

Work to improve your PR for that weightlifting competition, but don’t freak out over how you’ll perform at crunch-time. Write that book, but expect and accept rejection.

Even if all your plans go awry, you still have the memories, and the results of your hard work. Write a novel and you have a novel. Pump iron for a competition and you’ll be stronger. It’s the doing that matters, not the results.

Want to open yourself up to positive, amazing opportunities today? Think of something you’ve always wanted to do—whether it’s taking drum lessons, completing a sprint-distance triathlon, or hosting a gigantic family reunion—and take the first step toward that goal right now, before your “logical” mind steps in and tells you all the reasons it’s not possible.

Once you do that, please post your experiences in the comments below. Here’s to great experiences!

“Every day is an adventure.” ~Joseph B. Wirthlin

Be honest.

It gets to you, doesn’t it?

You feel trapped in a life of monotonous everyday routine. One dull day merges into the next, each equally forgettable. The months slide past until you look up from your desk and suddenly another birthday’s here.

So you avidly consume programs and articles on fearless adventurers and bold entrepreneurs who risked everything to pursue their dreams.

And you follow them hoping someday to have your own stories to tell, your own daredevil memories to post and tweet. But instead, you end up doing nothing but beating yourself up at your seeming lack of adventurous spirit.

But maybe it’s time you stopped beating yourself up so much. What if adventuring isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?

What Nobody Tells You About Living an Adventurous Life

At nineteen, I was also frustrated with the lack of adventure in my life. And then I met a crazy-haired free spirit who catapulted me out of my everyday, humdrum life and into a world of adventure.

It was amazing.

But just like all those Photoshopped, celebrity cardboard-cutout Facebook pages, another side existed that few people confess to.

You see, in between exploring mountains, deserts, and rainforests, and sleeping under a million twinkling stars, were days of hunger, exhaustion, and illness.

In between meeting strangers who became just like loving family members within hours, were days of arguing with officials, being turned away by border guards, and being stoned with rocks in remote valleys with no hope of outside help.

In between the adventure of building and sailing our boat were years of living aboard with no shower or heating, even though the second winter hit sub-zero temperatures.

And even though we have a world record that says we went further than any other fools had gone before, we never knew where our next bed or meal was coming from the whole time.

Are we glad we did it all? Absolutely.

Was it like the movies? Not a bit.

And our forays into business have taught us that the life of an entrepreneur is no different. Every day is just as uncertain, every venture a high wire act without a safety net between possible riches and certain bankruptcy.

After ten years of living such a lifestyle, the constant uncertainty and discomfort had lost its allure. I wanted a regular income and the luxury of a toilet roll on a daily basis.

So I settled down into a “normal” life, but within two years, that started to feel humdrum and stale. The lack of stimulation felt suffocating.

But then I started searching for adventure in everyday life.

And I swiftly found that opportunities exist to explore and experiment everywhere. You just need to be open to them.

Actually, can I share a secret with you?

My life now is way more adventurous (and happier) than before we decided to settle. You see…

Life isn’t about the extraordinary once in a while; life is about the everyday—and the everyday can be extraordinary. Here’s how.

Explore Your World

You can become an everyday explorer without leaving your home and loved ones behind. I believed adventures only awaited in exotic lands. Then my eyes were opened to the truth: Everywhere is somewhere.

1. Take a different route to work.

You’ve no idea what you’ll discover. Two years of commuting busy roads was enough, and by taking a slower route, I discovered a beautiful house to rent on the doorstep of my workplace. I now get up earlier, but I can take a safer, quieter route to work.

2. Discover an unexplored world.

Take a sabbatical from your usual haunts on the weekend and try somewhere unknown. Forget guidebooks—just get out there and roam freely.

3. Journey to a faraway land without leaving home.

Pick a country you know little about, and have a theme night. (Invite friends.) Cook a traditional meal, and immerse yourself in an unknown culture—explore the history, art, and music, maybe even learn a little of the language.

Find Buried Treasure

Pull on your buccaneer boots, and realize this truth: If you search for the hidden treasures in your own life, you’ll discover wealth far greater than any rusty chest of tarnished gold.

 1. Uncover your forgotten skills.

We all underestimate what skills we have and what we can do with them.

For instance, have you ever arranged a yard sale or got the neighborhood together to raise money for a local project or to clean up the area? If so, you probably have forgotten skills in project management, delegation, budgeting, and cooperation. What other forgotten skills could you uncover and have an adventure with?

2. Unearth your hidden talents.

You’ve no idea what you’re capable of until you try. Say yes to things you might have previously said no to. Try your hand at a different sport, or join your local amateur dramatics group.

I once helped finish a book for a friend who was woefully behind on the publisher’s deadline. Who knew that this previously undiscovered talent would lead me to write a book of my own and become a published author?

3. Bring your buried blessings to the surface.

Embark on a voyage of gratitude. Discover that your “dull” life is actually filled with bright blessings; you just need to recognize them to transform your everyday.

Unleash Your Inner Entrepreneur

You can become an everyday entrepreneur without having to leave your job. It’s just a question of looking for opportunities.

1. Run yourself as your own company.

Even if you’re employed, you can seize opportunities to thrive and grow. Decide where you want to be in five years career-wise, make a plan, and work toward it. Don’t leave it to others to choose your destiny.

2. Learn to stand up for yourself and speak out.

Say no to dead-end requests to be free to say yes to real chances of advancement. Rather than oppose change in your company, be the first to embrace it, and see where it can take you.

3. Put yourself forward.

Take the initiative and find ways to be more valuable. After I’d consistently volunteered to take on more responsibility, my boss generously paid for my professional studies, supporting my career advancement. All this presented a number of new challenges and adventures.

Challenge Your Beliefs

“Adventure is not outside man; it is within.” ~George Elliot

You can become an everyday pioneer by stepping outside your comfort zone but staying totally inside your safety zone.

1. Be an everyday seeker of knowledge.

Challenge your belief that learning stops after high school or college. The adventure of learning never stops. Turn your boring evenings or weekends into an exciting quest for knowledge. You can learn anything from accounting to zoology, often for free, with online universities such as the Khan Academy.

2. Freshen up your perspective.

Have a break from everything you normally read, watch, or listen to. Pick different genres, explore, and experiment. Turn an everyday couch-side veg-out into a fascinating, inspiring journey into new worlds.

3. Question all your limiting self-beliefs.

Limiting self-beliefs stop one from taking a risk and trying new things. Overcoming these mental barriers is an adventure in itself that can transform your life.

For years I believed I wasn’t creative, but I finally took the plunge and started drawing and painting. Now my previously dull evenings are filled with creative fun.

Take a Chance on Love

You can have your own Romancing The Stone adventure without risking life and limb.

1. Take the blinkers off.

Searching for love? Abandon preconceptions about your “perfect partner” and where you might find each other. Approach someone even if they don’t seem like your type. Leave your online dating profile open-ended.

2. Never stop exploring.

Settled in a relationship? Shake up the romance with a challenge to see how close you can become. Mark and I regularly play a fun game of writing out what we’d like life to be like, which led us, after fifteen years living together, to get married and embark on a new adventure.

3. Have an affair—with yourself.

Go on a personal voyage of discovery to fall in love with yourself. Perform an act of self-love each day. Journal all the positive things you did and said, and all the people you helped. Begin to see what a wonderful human being you are.

Discover That the Greatest Adventure Is Helping Others

Adventurers throughout history have sought personal fame or fortune. But, there is greater gain in helping others and greater reserves to be found in your heart than in any bank.

1. Make the first move.

Befriend a stranger at work or in your neighborhood. Be the first to break the ice and introduce yourself. Offer them a sincere compliment, and make their day. A stranger is just a friend-in-waiting.

2. Try your hand at fund-raising.

Explore inspiring ways to assist a charity you believe in to raise vital funds. Organize a car wash, or put on a local talent show.

3. Immerse yourself in someone else’s world.

Challenge your own preconceptions by volunteering. I foster hearing dogs, and our darling house guests have given me a much greater insight into the challenges the hearing impaired face.

Turn the Ordinary into the Extraordinary

You are too extraordinary to live ordinarily. You truly are an adventurous spirit.

That’s exactly why you must live your own life of everyday adventures.

You just have to unleash your curiosity.

You can stay in your home, your job, your life. Your adventurous spirit can thrive right where you are now.

Pick an idea from the list that lights your adventure torch. Start with one, and build in some others when you’re ready.

Get out there and experiment, explore, and experience.

Go make the everyday extraordinary.

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” ~Arthur Ashe

It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

You dream of a life where you have more freedom—your work nourishes your mind and soul, your home is organized, and you have ample time to exercise and eat right.

It’s not that your current situation is awful, but you long to do more of the things you love. Yet when you contemplate radical changes, your heart rate quickens, and you convince yourself it’s just not the right time.

So you keep waiting for the big moment when you can make that big change that will lead to happiness.

Well, you’re wasting your time …

Our ability to feel happier comes from inside ourselves, not from external circumstances. You don’t need to quit your job, move to an exotic location, or lose weight to be happy. You can embody happiness right now.

Over the years, I’ve gotten better at aligning my life activities with my purpose.

I teach at my own yoga studio. I assumed this would make me happy 100% of the time, but I get derailed sometimes. I ruminate about the small things like our cluttered house and the endless details of running a yoga studio. I forget the big picture. I forget all that I have. I get grumpy and start to nitpick.

I have to catch myself and find my happiness from within again. It might take a few minutes, hours, or days, but I use these mini-habits to help me get there. They cost little to nothing and are portable.

No matter your situation, you can start right now. The following habits will help you stand a little taller, smile from your heart, and shine a little brighter.

For Your Mind

1. Breathe deeply.

Inhale deeply, and exhale completely ten times. Deep breathing slows your thoughts, relaxes your nervous system, and brings you closer to your own intuition.

2. Use a mantra to change your mind-set.

Sha is a Sanskrit root word meaning peace, as in “shanti.” Say “sham” slowly ten to twenty times. By combining sound, breath, and rhythm, mantra channels the flow of energy through the mind-body circuit and calms your nervous system and mind.

3. Zone out.

Spend a few minutes daydreaming. Your logical mind, the prefrontal cortex, is constantly planning, analyzing, and thinking about the future. Give it a rest and just be for a little while; you’ll feel refreshed.

4. Express your love.

Write a note or tell a loved one how you appreciate them. Communicating positive emotions lowers stress hormones, bad cholesterol, and blood pressure, and it strengthens immunity.

5. Rejuvenate your mind.

Close your eyes for a few moments. What do you see in the darkness of your mind’s eye? Notice the patterns that form. This is a simple meditation that rejuvenates and refocuses your tired mind.

6. Explore healing aromas.

Plants like rosemary, lavender, and sage can improve our moods. Create your own natural spa. Put your favorite essential oils in a spray bottle with a little water.

7. Swap a thought.

Make a list of your positive traits and attributes. When you criticize yourself, refer to this list. Keep this pattern up and you’ll transform your inner dialogue.

8. Allow yourself to be.

Accept all your feelings about your present situation. They are valid, whether you like them or not. Accepting your current situation is the first step to feeling happier.

9. Loving-kindness meditation.

Loving-kindness builds positive emotions, which increases mindfulness and purpose in life. Spend a few minutes letting feelings of love and kindness for someone wash over you.

10. Meditate.

When thoughts come, return to your breath without judging. Deep breathing clears your mind and decreases your stress levels, which will allow you to feel happier.

11. Declutter one spot.

Declutter one surface or area. Starting small is easier. But when your home and workspace are clear from clutter, your mind feels more spacious.

For Your Body

12. Lighten up.

Once a day, laugh at yourself. When you make a mistake, see the humor in your error. Laughing is great medicine, it improves your mood, and it relieves stress and tension.

13. Stretch your body.

Sitting in a chair? Push away from your desk. Inhale, and as you exhale, bend forward, moving your ribs toward your thighs. Breathe deeply. Get out of your mind and into your body and the present moment.

14. Stretch your breath.

Hold onto the back of your chair and take slow, long breaths. This opens up your rib cage and lungs, allowing you to breathe more deeply. The added oxygen to your brain will make you feel alive and alert.

15. Give yourself a massage.

Use coconut oil or sesame oil on your skin, massage it on your whole body, and then take a warm shower to help your skin absorb the oil. This is a home spa treatment that is used all over India. Touch is calming, and you can reap its benefits without buying expensive massages.

16. Take a bath.

Relax and enjoy the simple pleasure of a warm bath. Light some candles and put on your favorite music.  Soothe your body with this simple ritual. Why dream about getting away when you can create a calming environment in your home?

17. Place your palms over your eyelids.

This relaxes your eyes and mind. This is especially helpful if you have a headache or feel fatigued.

18. Practice Yoga Nidra (Yogic Sleep).

Take ten minutes to relax your whole body completely and then each part of your body in turn. This magical practice is as efficient as taking a longer nap.

19. Eat with complete attention.

Put away all your screens. Savor your meal by noticing all its tastes and textures. You’ll improve your digestion and feel more relaxed as a result.

20. Move every day.

Even if you have very little time. You only need five minutes to stretch or walk outside. Building a little movement into your day is better for your health than one longer weekly workout.

21. Hug someone or something.

Like your friend, pet, or even yourself. Soothing touch is relaxing and calming.

For Your Spirit

22. Stop and pay attention.

Are birds chirping? Horns blasting? Voices passing? Notice your world right now and see the beauty that is unfolding under your nose. You’ll feel a little better about your situation.

23. Make a mini-gratitude list.

What are three things from the past twenty-four hours that can go on your list? Making gratitude a permanent trait is proven to make us happier and healthier, and live longer.

24. Give thanks for your meals.

Saying thanks for having enough will remind you of how much you have. Remember that eight million people don’t have enough food to lead a healthy, active life.

25. Get outside and unplug.

Spend time outdoors without your digital devices. Notice the small details of your surroundings—the flowers, the trees, even the small ants on the sidewalk. You’ll feel peaceful and calm as a result.

26. Spend time with friends.

Socializing is a secret of the world’s longest-lived people. Set a weekly meeting. Go for a walk, drink tea, or simply enjoy each others’ presence.

27. Listen.

When people talk, listen to them. Be 100% present with your company and you’ll get their appreciation in return.

28. Love your furry friends.

They can be our best friends and show undying loyalty. Spending time petting a dog can improve your mood and even strengthen your heart.

29. Find a beautiful natural thing around you.

Pick a flower, leaf, twig, or fruit. Remind yourself of all the natural wonders that surround you right now. It’s easy to overlook the beauty in the present moment.

30. Take a mini-vacation.

Once a week, I take my toddler and dog to the park for a picnic lunch. We relax and listen to the birds. Leave your busy life for a few moments to be with loved ones who are crucial to your happiness.

31. Give a little bit.

Carry canned food for people asking for food.  Make eye contact. Recognize the common human spirit in every person you meet, right in your neighborhood.

The Secret That Holds The Key To Your Happiness

Your happiness isn’t dependent on where you live, how much you weigh, or what you do for work. The key to happiness is appreciating what you have at this moment. Sure, we all want to make changes sometimes. But one change, no matter how big, is unlikely to transform misery into elation.

Small things that help you appreciate yourself, your loved ones, and the world around you will add up to big changes in your mindset.

Pick a couple practices from each category. Write them down. Post them on your mirror so that you remind yourself each morning.

Schedule the activities in your calendar.  Even if they take five minutes, this daily reminder will prompt your memory.

And don’t forget to inhale the sweet fragrance of the jasmine that is blooming right under your nose.

Ahh, doesn’t it smell delicious?

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” ~Abraham Maslow

It was 4:00am, but I was wide awake. I wanted to be a great achiever, a great partner, and a great parent. Instead, I had turned into an irritable insomniac who no longer knew how to relax.

I was trying to do everything perfectly and be everything to everyone. Demands kept piling up. This made it tough to focus on the present moment.

A wandering mind is less happy than a mind focused on what it is doing, according to scientific research. For most people, a wandering mind dominates about half of the time spent awake. That encourages over-thinking, anxiety, and other emotional distress, while limiting the quality of work and play.

At the time, I didn’t realize how focusing on many different things at once limited my ability to be fully present in my relationships. I also didn’t realize just how crucial relationships are to happiness.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development tracked people for seventy-five years. People who thrived weren’t those who gained wealth and fame, but those who nurtured great relationships with family, friends, and community.

What’s the key to nurturing great relationships? Presence. Love flourishes in an atmosphere of kindness, patience, forgiveness, trust, and hope. This is helped by presence and responsiveness in the moment. Anxiety and impatience don’t provide a fertile soil for love.

I’ve gradually developed a way of being more present in each waking moment of a busy life. It’s made me much calmer, kinder, happier, more relaxed, confident, and more attentive to family, friends, and even strangers.

Think of your mind as a computer screen with many tabs open. How can you close all the tabs except one, and focus on that? Here’s what works for me.

1. Clarify what you value.

Identify your top core values, those things that make life worth living for you. For example, I most value love, health, peace of mind, contribution, and self-actualization. Your list might be a bit different.

It’s okay to fantasize about being atop some metaphorical mountain. However, it helps to make values, rather than goals, your “mountaintops.” Then you can keep living by your values even if you don’t succeed at one of your goals. For example, you might not yet be able to take that dream round-the-world trip with your partner, but you can still give them your undivided attention for a little time each day.

This approach boosts motivation and peace of mind. It also plucks fulfillment out of the distant future and brings it into the present moment, enabling you to focus on the now. When your days and minutes express what you value, you become more confident that there’s nothing else you should be doing at any given moment.

2. Identify your options.

What are the goals and projects you could pursue? How does each measure up against your top few core values? How much of your time does each require?

For example, a passion of mine is to help people live with more calm, energy, and brainpower. I started a group, then more people wanted to join. I could have increased the number of groups, but that would have required too much time, eating into my personal relationships.

I explored other options and decided to start a learning center online. This allows me to contribute more, without sacrificing what I value.

3. Focus.

Focus on the top few goals/projects that emerge. Form a clear idea of the next step toward achieving each goal. The solutions to life’s challenges can nearly always be reduced to a simple next step, and another, and so on.

If you chase too many goals or projects at one time, you might be pulled in different directions, be constantly pre-occupied, and get nowhere. A better way is to focus more boldly, so that your life becomes as simple as taking the next step, with full presence.

Once you recognize your core values, it becomes easier to say no to attractive options that don’t fit you well enough. For example, I once said no to a surprise offer of an amazing job in another country. The time was not right to uproot our family. I kept what I valued.

4. Allocate time.

Allocate blocks of time to each next step according to the importance of the goal to you. Allocate sufficient time regularly for relaxing with family and friends. Allocate some time regularly for planning, worrying, and problem solving.

Allocating time allows you to steer the ship of your life instead of letting circumstances throw you around.

For example, I used to be a champion worrier. Then I started setting apart blocks of time for worrying and problem solving. Now worry has to wait for its turn, freeing me to be more fully present when I’m with loved ones.

5. Act with full presence.

Throw yourself into each next step at the allocated time. Inhabit each moment of that “next step” fully, as if there was nothing better to do, nothing else to think about, and nowhere better to be.

This practice calms me. It helps me to work and play better.

When the allocated time is finished, move on to another “next step,” perhaps for another goal or project. Give that new “next step” your complete, undivided attention during its allocated time.

Inhabit the moment fully even when you’re not busy pursuing a goal, such as during your planning and problem-solving time, or relaxing with family or friends, or enjoying a hobby.

I love how this approach frees me to have a bit of fun every day instead of just during vacations. That renews me and restores my equilibrium, amid a busy life.

6. Save non-urgent problems for later.

When a non-urgent problem comes up, make a note of it and deal with it later, during your planning, worrying, and problem-solving time. Only when an urgent and important problem comes up need you drop everything else and deal with it.

What if your children or boss continually bombard you with supposedly urgent and important demands? Guard a little time to refresh and recharge yourself. Your children will eventually grow more independent, and you might consider changing your job.

7. Review.

Review how things are going from time to time. If necessary, review the goals and projects to check whether they’re still well-aligned with your values. Sometimes a new opportunity may deserve attention, or your emphasis might need to shift.

Think of your life as a ship that tends to veer off course. That’s quite common. Your reviews can then gently steer you back on course, toward your core values.

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This seven-step process has replaced a racing, anxious mind with more focus in the present moment. I now enjoy warmer relationships, better work and play, and greater confidence that I can cope with whatever life brings.

You can inhabit the present moment easily when you’re confident that there’s nothing better for you to do, nothing else to think about right now, and nowhere better to be. This seven-step process will allow you such confidence.

You don’t have to get this perfect. You just need to get it roughly right, and then adjust your course during your reviews.

You can then be more present when you’re with family, friends, and others, fully enjoying your time together. Everything that really needs doing will eventually get done, in its allocated time.

You’ll also become far more secure in dealing with challenges and problems, because your self-image will change.

You may have felt like a chronically overloaded person. Now you’ll feel more confident about picking your battles, breaking a big problem into small pieces, and patiently eating even a metaphorical “elephant” one morsel at a time. Life needn’t be more complicated than taking one small step at a time.

You’ll also deal more confidently with disappointments and failures, since you may fail at a particular goal but continue to express your core values through other goals and projects.

Regrets will dim, because you’ll become more confident that the way you spend your time is an expression of your cherished values, regardless of any particular outcome.

You’ll also start to achieve much more, with less struggle. But the main satisfaction will come from living a meaningful life that expresses your cherished values in each waking moment.

This works powerfully for me. You might want to try something like this. If you do, be prepared for more peace of mind, confidence, love, and happiness in each moment.

“Sometimes doing less is more than enough.” ~Kris Carr

Two years ago I made a radical lifestyle shift.

Prior to this change, I was constantly striving to do more, to achieve more, to be more. I was squeezing as much as I could into any given day. I was in conflict between building a business, working, studying, and having time for pleasure and fun. I was taking on way too much and losing myself in the process.

Building a business is a lot of work, far more than I had imagined, and it takes time to generate consistent revenue that you can live off. In order to make ends meet it was necessary for me to have paid employment. I often had multiple part-time jobs, and at times I worked full-time running my business on the side.

I studied and studied and studied for over a decade. When I completed one course I would start another. I have multiple certificates, diplomas, and even a master’s degree.

I obsessively compared myself to others. Their achievements all seemed bigger and better than mine. This constant comparing made me feel inadequate and dissatisfied with my own successes. So I worked even harder to do more, achieve more, and be more.

I felt guilty taking time to relax and play. I didn’t enjoy downtime because I felt like I was being lazy, and having a quiet moment also highlighted just how fatigued I was from living my workaholic lifestyle.

Friends admired how much I was achieving, always commenting, “I don’t know how you do it all.” Quite frankly, neither did I. All I knew was that I was completely exhausted, I wasn’t happy, and I was becoming disconnected from the people I cherished the most.

My life needed to change. I couldn’t continue to push through the fatigue anymore because I was beyond worn out. I wanted more joy and happiness in my life. I wanted to be more connected with those closest and dearest to me. I realized then I had to do less.

Before I could start reducing my commitments, I had to first identify what was really important to me. These were the questions I asked myself:

• What do I love to do?
• What energizes me?
• What brings me joy?
• What do I really want?
• What do I absolutely have to do?

In an ideal world we’d get to only do what we love to do. But in reality, there are things we are obliged to do whether we want to or not. We can delegate some activities we don’t like doing, but other tasks only we can do.

After identifying what was truly important to me and what I absolutely had to do—spending time with those closest and dearest to me, using my business as a way to teach and support others, engaging in activities that aided my physical and mental health so I could be my best self—it was time to stop doing things.

There was a lot of discomfort with letting go. It was certainly an odd and unusual feeling to have space in my day, and I had to really fight the temptation to fill my days with an ever expanding to-do list.

Next, I established boundaries to support doing less. Boundaries such as:

• Not working after a set time each day
• Not working weekends
• Not checking emails or messages or looking at social media after a set time in the evening
• Not checking emails, messages, or looking at social media in the morning until after breakfast
• When on vacation, not working and limiting my screen time

Setting boundaries meant I needed to get comfortable with saying no. I said no to being around people and in social situations that drained my energy, I said no to business opportunities that were not aligned with my overall business vision, I said no to further study and more qualifications because my ten-years plus of study and numerous qualifications were more than enough, and I said no to things that I really did not want to do.

This was not easy for me. It is far easier for me to say yes, as I don’t like to let people down, and I don’t like to miss out on opportunities. But it was time for me to focus only on the essential and what would make the most impact to my life and business. I could no longer try to do everything.

I had to remind myself that saying no was not actually a no, it was simply my prioritization, and by saying no I was saying yes to the things I really wanted and creating space for what matters the most to me.

I also made a big mindset shift around my comparison with others. Instead of feeling less than others because of their success and achievements, I began to see others’ wins as an inspiration and reminder of what is possible.

Additionally, it occurred to me that we only get to see other people’s highlights in life, work, and business, and this is a very inaccurate view. All we see is what they want us to see—their successes and achievements. We don’t get to see the hard work and failures they may also have experienced. Regardless of success and amazing wins, everyone experiences highs and lows.

Much to my surprise, I also found out that successful people don’t say yes to everything; they’re much more strategic and only say yes to what will enhance themselves, and they’re very good at delegating. This knowledge changed my perspective around trying to do it all.

By doing less I found I had more time, energy, and enthusiasm for the things most important to me. I felt more alive and joyful. The quality of my work I improved. And I became more present to life and people around me, which improved my relationships enormously.

Occasionally I have moments where I feel like I should be doing more, but the happiness and fulfillment I feel from doing less overrides those moments. I can’t go back to how things used to be and experience the unhappiness and fatigue that resulted from constantly striving for more.

Before anything gets on my calendar or I say yes to requests or tasks now, I ask myself these questions to guide my decisions:

• How important is this to me?
• Will this energize or exhaust me?
• Do I absolutely have to do this?

Doing less does not mean I do nothing; doing less means I spend more time doing what matters most to me, which makes my life happier and more fulfilling.

“If your vision of your life centers on your highest values, you will be aligned with your dharma far above everyday existence. Whatever the values are—love, creativity, service, spiritual growth, beauty, or whatever you choose—dedicating yourself to the highest values unites purpose and inner growth as nothing else can.” ~Deepak Chopra

I wasted almost a decade of my life. Don’t make the same mistake as me.

On my fortieth birthday, I found myself lying in bed, fully awake at 5 a.m., with a tightness in my throat.

“A new decade,” I thought, without much excitement.

Staring at the ceiling, I tried to remember what I had accomplished in the past ten years. As I searched in vain for any memorable moments to celebrate, panic began to fill my chest. “I wasted my thirties,” I thought. “One-eighth of a lifetime.”

Have you ever felt that way, as if life has passed you by? That you’ve wasted some precious years that you’ll never be able to get back?

Perhaps you got caught in the hamster wheel, being so busy with work and daily chores that you didn’t realize how quickly time was flying by. Maybe you’ve thought of traveling, writing a book, or learning to play the guitar but continually postponed your projects for a ‘someday’ that has never arrived.

It doesn’t feel good.

That morning, I realized I had made a mistake. I spent most of my thirties pursuing a single goal: building my business. It became an obsession that consumed all my time and energy to the point that I forgot to nurture my relationships, travel, or do anything else exciting.

At forty, I had very few friends and no hobbies, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself.

Later on, I discovered that this could have been prevented by doing one thing differently: by adopting a simple habit that ensures we live a good life almost every single day and avoid future regrets.

That’s what I want to share with you.

How Can We Live a Good Life Every Day?

A few months after my fortieth birthday, I listened to a podcast with Hal Elrod, the creator of The Miracle Morning, in which he shared his perspective on how to live our best lives every day.

His realization came on a specific day after spending time with his daughter, working a bit on his business (his life’s work), connecting with his wife, exercising, and eating healthy meals. As he wound down after dinner, he thought to himself, “Today was the best day of my life.”

He then wondered why he had just had this thought since nothing truly special had happened that day—his child wasn’t born, he hadn’t gotten married, and he hadn’t booked any elite clients. So what was it that made the day so great?

The day had been filled with all the most important things to him, his top values: his family, his relationship with his wife, living a healthy lifestyle, and inspiring people (his life’s work). He realized that living a good life, a regret-free life, comes down to living in alignment with our top values every day.

It hit me. This was my solution to avoid wasting another decade: value-centered living.

Here’s how we can implement this into our daily lives.

Step 1: Identify your top five values.

Your top values are what you consider most important and meaningful in your life. They come from your personal beliefs about what it means to live a good life.

Below are a few questions to help you identify your top values:

• What do you need in your life to feel fulfilled? Or, what’s missing in your life that you need to feel fulfilled?
• How do you like to spend your time, and what would you like to have more time for?
• What do you enjoy spending money on?
• If your life ended right now, what would you regret not having done, accomplished, experienced, and become? And if you had one year to live, how would you spend your time? What would you focus on?
• What would make you say you have lived a good life when you are 100 years old?

I recommend identifying your top five values because if we center our life on just one main value, we risk feeling dissatisfied and even having regrets in the future because we won’t have nurtured the other things that are important to us.

That’s what happened to me when I just focused on building my business (which is my value of doing meaningful work) and neglected the other areas of my life.

Another example is a friend of mine who has two kids and highly values being a good mom. However, after a few years of taking care of everyone and not addressing her own needs and other desires—she stopped doing art, put her career on hold, and wasn’t taking much care of herself—she began feeling resentful toward her family. She was giving-giving-giving but not filling her own cup by honoring her other needs and desires.

So focusing on just one of our values for a long time can create an imbalance in our life. That’s why step one of the value-centered living habit is to identify our top five values, not just the top one.

Step 2: List actionable ways to honor your top values.

Once you have identified your top five values, make them actionable by expressing them as verbs. For example, if one of your values is meaningful connections, you could phrase it as “connecting deeply and authentically.” Start each value statement with a verb.

Next, specify more precisely how you can put each value into practice. For instance, for the value of connecting deeply and authentically, it could be:

• Being fully present when interacting with someone—giving them my undivided attention
• Listening with the intention to understand, not just to reply
• Sharing my honest thoughts and feelings
• Being open and vulnerable
• Staying in touch with my closest friends and family by sending them messages and calling them regularly
• Scheduling time every week for social activities

Try writing at least five actions for each value. It’ll be helpful for step 3.

Step 3: Do something daily to embody your top values.

The last step is the value-centered living daily habit.

Every morning, look at your list of actions you created in step 2, and decide what you’ll do to honor your top values.

Personally, I write this in my journal. First, I write down my top five values as reminders, and then I write down what I’ll do to nurture each one that day.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. For my value of meaningful relationships, I may just write a nice comment on a friend’s post. For self-care, I may go to a yoga class. For purposeful work, I may film a Tik Tok video.

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This simple daily habit makes sure that we give attention to and nurture the most important things in our lives. Every single day, even if the day isn’t perfect, we are more likely to feel satisfied because we’re focusing on what matters to us.

This simple practice has been a game-changer for me (thanks to Hal Elrod!), and I hope it can serve you too.